January 27th, 2010
As you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t posted anything here since the beginning of November. NaNoWriMo went well, I finished in a week, and now I’m doing WriYe with a word count goal of 1 million words.
I haven’t given up on this blog, though I don’t think I’ll update it as often as I did at one point. For regular blog-things you can either see my livejournal, which is in English, or my blogspot blog, which is only in Norwegian. As for what I’ll use this blog for I’m not quite sure, as I’m not sure if anyone reads it (probably not anymore, anyway, since it’s been so long since I updated). I figure I might continue uploading sketches and such here, it will at least be something. And I feel more comfortable uploading them on my own site than on blogspot or livejournal (or facebook!) Or maybe I’ll upload some stories?
Anyway, see you when I have something of interest to post.
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October 21st, 2009
Why, oh why can’t it be November soon! My fingers are really itching to write and I keep on going to nanowrimo’s website to lurk in the forum and become even more impatient. I want my progress bar to move!
That was all. But I suspect this won’t be the last post of its kind.
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October 19th, 2009
No, not “work” work. Book work. I am currently going through ALL my stories (yes, everything on my hard drive) to figure out what I’ve written about the world and how things are and why. Because it’s sort of nice to know when writing a novel from that world. Especially since it’s soon NaNoWriMo. (Yeah, yeah, I wasn’t supposed to do that this year, but sue me, here we go again.)
Luckily I’ve changed computers and thus cleaned out my hard drives some times now, so the really bad stories are dead and gone. Long gone, I hope. It could have been worse. Besides, I haven’t really managed to do anything regarding writing the last couple of years (or 3-5, to be brutally honest) so it’s not THAT much to go through. And also it’s very easy to distinguish which stories are from that world and which stories are from somewhere else. Still, as I’m writing it by hand it takes a while. But I think I’ll have a better constructed universe in the end.
I don’t really think it’s strange that my head’s been killing me today, though. Apart from lack of sleep.
I made the mistake of looking at writers’ stuff at cafepress.co.uk and nanowrimo.org – what a mistake it was! I really, really want so much of what’s for sale there! I really want a “writer’s T-shirt” – so many funny ones there. But I can’t afford it… Aaah, I want money!
Oh, by the way – if there’s actually anyone reading this, apart from those who just post spam, could you please comment, just once? I don’t mean to beg for comments, but it would be nice just to know someone’s out there. You don’t have to register to comment. You’d make me really happy if you do!
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October 18th, 2009
Oh dear. Here we go again.
Today I signed up for National Novel Writing Month for 2009. I, who am supposed to be writing my thesis, in addition to work and dance practice. True, I’ve written quite a bit lately and really want to write whenever I’m not in front of my computer, but still. I had resolved NOT to participate due to lack of time and opportunity – after all I really need to focus on my thesis – and there it goes out the window.
I have participated twice before, though I never won. I think I gave up only one week into November. Though at that time I was suffering from depression and gave up on everything. That’s how it felt, anyway. This year I just couldn’t keep away, despite my better judgement. To my advantage is the fact that I am super-motivated. I can probably write for at least an hour each day, and then all day on weekends. I probably won’t win (write at least 50 000 words before November is through) but I might actually come close this year. I am resolved to get at least 20 000 words this year before I even think of giving up. Although I of course don’t plan to give up at all. We’ll see!
Anyone else doing NaNoWriMo this year?
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October 10th, 2009
This was looking out to be the most confusing entry I’ve ever posted (and somehow I post a lot of confusing entries), so here comes the rewrite.
I am thoroughly happy today. Happy, even if I’m missing the rehearsal weekend with my dance troup and Dairé Nolan from Ireland (he’s in Norway to teach us a new choreography for our upcoming show) because I am ill. Happy, even if I’ve now been ill for a week and even eating healthy doesn’t seem to do the trick.
I wrote “the best feeling ever” in the title, but it is in fact two. Yesterday I was randomly sorting through the data for one of the Old Norse verbs I am looking at in my thesis (the verb in question was hafa) and I actually made a find. I have a list of verbs I think might be anticausative, but in order to prove that the anticausative construction was a working grammatical function in Old Norse I have to have an impersonal, intransitive construction with the subject in the accusative case, AND a regular, transitive construction with the subject in the nominative case and an accusative object. Being that I have forgotten a lot of Old Norse it’s proven to be rather more difficult than I thought; however, yesterday I found example sentences for both constructions when I hardly even looked for them. Having actually made progress is a great feeling.
Today and yesterday I’ve been reading countless blogs about writing. I haven’t really wanted to write for ages now, possibly because of both my thesis and my depression and so on. It’s quite a contrast to back when I still lived at home, when I would write whenever I could possibly find the time. It has actually nagged me quite a bit. But now I just realized that I really want to write. Thesis, book, any short story, whatever. It’s such a great feeling I actually had to jump around a bit, despite the fact that my head feels like it weighs a ton. Writing passion, I’ve missed you.
Since it’s weekend and I’ve made a rule for myself not to work on my thesis during weekends (my doctor says, very sternly, to give myself time off during weekends to recharge my batteries) and contrary not to work on my book or any of those side projects during the week, I can actually sit down and write with a clean conscience. Writer’s Digest has a short story competition going, I thought I might work on a few stories for that one. I have to work on my originality, though, but still.
So, despite illness and my thesis looming over my head, life is pretty good today. Now I’m going to the store to buy chocolate and thoroughly unhealthy things (and some necessities such as dinner) and then I’m going to write. It’s a good day.
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October 8th, 2009
Fuck this. Fuck my insecurity, my nagging doubts, my dark view of the future, the innumerable faults I see in myself and my work.
I CAN do this.
I can, I will, I shall.
Not because there is no other option (because there always is) but because this is the option I choose. No more stopping myself!
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September 24th, 2009
I am now half a year delayed with my thesis. Before that, I had a whole year to write (okay, half of that was used for finding a thesis topic). I spent most of that year being clinically depressed, so I guess I don’t have to look further than that for an explanation. Apart from that I spent it procrastinating, doing things just to pass the time. Even most of my PC games were purchased and played just to make the hours pass.
It’s almost depressing looking back at it (oh the irony).
I am, knock on wood and provided my mind stays stable, almost well. I haven’t felt depressed in weeks, and when I visited my parents this weekend I forgot to take my meds for two days and I was still cheerful and, well, myself. My mother even commented that things seemed to go really well for me now, and during my chats with her I became really motivated. The only thing that isn’t good right now is that I’m so extremely sleepy all the time. Since my meds are helping me sleep in addition to keeping my depression at bay that’s not so strange. My doctor says that when I am well and the meds aren’t needed, their only effect is to make me sleepy. Not sure what causes what, but no matter how you look at it, the fact is that I am really getting better (in fact, I am very, very close to being completely well).
I have been thinking a lot lately – being a procrastinator to the core, but completely sick of writing (or actually not writing) my thesis, I really had to do something. The thought of needing another extension for the deadline is worrisome for me. I’ve made a gameplan – a week plan to be precise – which specifies everything that needs to be done each day. I’ve given myself a timetable – specific times for writing schoolwork, complete with pauses – and a list to keep to each day so to ensure that everything gets done.
It’s not going to be fun, but I’m really going to go for it now. I am going to hand in my thesis on the 20th of November no matter what. I am going to finish it, I am going to pass it, and I am going to finish being a student. For once in my life I look forward to the working life.
The next 2 months I am going to focus completely on school and Japanese (I’m also taking a Japanese course), nothing else. Maybe I’ll doodle a little bit in the evenings, maybe not. Don’t expect any entries here before December, however. This is it – for once in my life I’m going to go for it completely, get my priorities straight and finish it.
Wish me luck.
See you in December 
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September 16th, 2009
I’m beside myself these days. I’ve wanted to learn Japanese for years now, and have been frustrated because it doesn’t seem like I’ll get the chance to study it (full-time, that is). Two months ago a good friend of mine reminded me that I could always take evening courses, so I signed up and started waiting.
I’ve really been good at waiting – for being me. Sure, all my friends are probably hoping that they’ll never have to hear the words “language course” or “Japanese course” again, but I could have been worse. Now it’s only 6 days left until I start, and I just don’t have any patience left. I feel like I’m just all over the place.
Yesterday I got my letter with the invoice for the course fee, and some practical information. I’ll go to the bookstore today to get the course books – the good thing is that I’ve been wanting to buy those exact books for years now. They’re a tad expensive, but seem good.
I think it’s a good thing that my schedule is full until the course starts – today is work, tomorrow is dance practice, Friday is 3 hours work and then a visit from Mai (my Japanese friend), Saturday, Sunday and Monday I’m home and Tuesday is the big day.
Anyway, back to work.
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September 14th, 2009
The story post will have to be next time.
Yesterday I posted a rather long-winded entry, basically angsting about my future. You won’t find it if you look for it though, since it’s deleted. Yes, it was that angsty. Basically it stemmed from reading Jingna’s (zemotion.blogspot.com I think) blog all evening – for those who don’t know, she’s only 20 and already a professional and prestigous photographer (having won several awards as the youngest ever). I just couldn’t help being envious and frustrated with myself for a while. Luckily it passed.
Anyway. In the post I also worried a lot about my future and the fact that I had no clue what to do with my life. After a good, but short night’s sleep (I just got up actually, but then I went to bed really late) I’m not angsting anymore. I’ve realised that I do have several clues. I DO want to write, for instance, and that is my main motivation. I realised that when I saw a writing competition from Writer’s Digest. 3000 USD first prize! I just gotta try. I don’t think I’m currently good enough to win – short stories haven’t really been my forte anyway and a lot of good writers will be competing – but you never win if you never try. I have until December 1st and can submit several manuscripts, so… We’ll see!
Even if I don’ place anywhere near 1st and don’t get any of the prizes, that competition has already helped me tremendously. It helped me realize what I actually want with my life. Sure, it’d be splendid being an illustrator or a photographer or… But I can do that on a little-bit-more-than-hobby basis. It’s writer I want to be. I want to write, I want to be published, I want to see my novels in print. Even though I have a long and hard way in front of me, now I know what I want. When you know what you want, you can go for it. 100%! When I have my degree I’ll be writing, writing, writing.
It’s so immensely good just knowing what I want. I wouldn’t have reacted this way if it was a painting competition or something – I’d have wanted to try, but not THIS much.
Oh, and did I say it had a 3000USD first prize? And that the winner will be published in the Writer’s Digest magazine?
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September 13th, 2009
Time for some sketch uploads again! It’s ages since I had any sketches to upload, but here they are!
Sketch 1:
September Sketch
Sketch 2:
This isn’t a finished picture, it’s more a WIP. Not sure if it will end up as a sketch or a more polished portrait, who knows.
Romance WIP
That’s all for today! I have a feeling that the next post will be a story post
Edit:
Just forgot a little update. As you can see my months long artists’ break has finally eased up some, and I’m able to paint again. I’m not sure how much I’ll actually paint these days, school has to come first after all, but I think I’ll paint a little, at least. I’ve been ill the last three or four days, so I’ve had to take things easy. I think I really needed it, although I missed some fun things because of it.
Discovery of the week: If you’re constantly craving snacks (chips or similar), make sure you have popcorn (the kind that you have to microwave first) in the house. I thought I was just giving in to my cravings, but it worked like this: When at the store, you can’t buy chips or anything like that, because hey, you’ve got popcorn at home. BUT being that I’m lazy, it’s too much work to prepare popcorn, so I’ve eaten cereal instead whenever I’ve craved something salty and fat (cereal isn’t salty and fat but at least it’s crunchy). So for once I’m actually somewhat healthy… if you don’t count the giant chocolate bar I ate yesterday.
Anyway. It’s SUN! In Bergen, no less! I’m going out for a walk.
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