Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category

The best feeling ever

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

This was looking out to be the most confusing entry I’ve ever posted (and somehow I post a lot of confusing entries), so here comes the rewrite.

I am thoroughly happy today. Happy, even if I’m missing the rehearsal weekend with my dance troup and Dairé Nolan from Ireland (he’s in Norway to teach us a new choreography for our upcoming show) because I am ill. Happy, even if I’ve now been ill for a week and even eating healthy doesn’t seem to do the trick.

I wrote “the best feeling ever” in the title, but it is in fact two. Yesterday I was randomly sorting through the data for one of the Old Norse verbs I am looking at in my thesis (the verb in question was hafa) and I actually made a find. I have a list of verbs I think might be anticausative, but in order to prove that the anticausative construction was a working grammatical function in Old Norse I have to have an impersonal, intransitive construction with the subject in the accusative case, AND a regular, transitive construction with the subject in the nominative case and an accusative object. Being that I have forgotten a lot of Old Norse it’s proven to be rather more difficult than I thought; however, yesterday I found example sentences for both constructions when I hardly even looked for them. Having actually made progress is a great feeling.

Today and yesterday I’ve been reading countless blogs about writing. I haven’t really wanted to write for ages now, possibly because of both my thesis and my depression and so on. It’s quite a contrast to back when I still lived at home, when I would write whenever I could possibly find the time. It has actually nagged me quite a bit. But now I just realized that I really want to write. Thesis, book, any short story, whatever. It’s such a great feeling I actually had to jump around a bit, despite the fact that my head feels like it weighs a ton. Writing passion, I’ve missed you.

Since it’s weekend and I’ve made a rule for myself not to work on my thesis during weekends (my doctor says, very sternly, to give myself time off during weekends to recharge my batteries) and contrary not to work on my book or any of those side projects during the week, I can actually sit down and write with a clean conscience. Writer’s Digest has a short story competition going, I thought I might work on a few stories for that one. I have to work on my originality, though, but still.

So, despite illness and my thesis looming over my head, life is pretty good today. Now I’m going to the store to buy chocolate and thoroughly unhealthy things (and some necessities such as dinner) and then I’m going to write. It’s a good day.

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Plans for the future

Monday, September 14th, 2009

The story post will have to be next time.

Yesterday I posted a rather long-winded entry, basically angsting about my future. You won’t find it if you look for it though, since it’s deleted. Yes, it was that angsty. Basically it stemmed from reading Jingna’s (zemotion.blogspot.com I think) blog all evening – for those who don’t know, she’s only 20 and already a professional and prestigous photographer (having won several awards as the youngest ever). I just couldn’t help being envious and frustrated with myself for a while. Luckily it passed.

Anyway. In the post I also worried a lot about my future and the fact that I had no clue what to do with my life. After a good, but short night’s sleep (I just got up actually, but then I went to bed really late) I’m not angsting anymore. I’ve realised that I do have several clues. I DO want to write, for instance, and that is my main motivation. I realised that when I saw a writing competition from Writer’s Digest. 3000 USD first prize! I just gotta try. I don’t think I’m currently good enough to win – short stories haven’t really been my forte anyway and a lot of good writers will be competing – but you never win if you never try. I have until December 1st and can submit several manuscripts, so… We’ll see!

Even if I don’ place anywhere near 1st and don’t get any of the prizes, that competition has already helped me tremendously. It helped me realize what I actually want with my life. Sure, it’d be splendid being an illustrator or a photographer or… But I can do that on a little-bit-more-than-hobby basis. It’s writer I want to be. I want to write, I want to be published, I want to see my novels in print. Even though I have a long and hard way in front of me, now I know what I want. When you know what you want, you can go for it. 100%! When I have my degree I’ll be writing, writing, writing.

It’s so immensely good just knowing what I want. I wouldn’t have reacted this way if it was a painting competition or something – I’d have wanted to try, but not THIS much.

Oh, and did I say it had a 3000USD first prize? And that the winner will be published in the Writer’s Digest magazine?

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Blog Story – section 1: In the marketplace

Monday, June 15th, 2009

As I wrote in my last post, I have planned to start a “blog story” in my blog. Generally speaking it will be a first draft, uploaded one piece at a time, and I don’t know where I’ll go with it or what it will be about. So any input or ideas are always appreciated, although generally I tend to go with my own :P I will update the title once I have one. ;)

Section 1 – The marketplace

Seyan walked through the gates to the marketplace at a brisk pace, pushing past fat merchants and worn-out housewives. He did not even cast an annoyed glance to the beggars or the people selling flowers and worthless trinkets for the poor. His business was not here, and his business could not wait.

In Achinan the market was made up of four sections. The boundaries between them were invisible, but strict. The main market, which you entered first, was the busy part, where food was sold and housewives and servants came to shop. The second section was for the rich. It was open only once a week as the merchants had stores elsewhere in town. On market day they would offer discounts and sell goods that normally were not sold in the store. Normally this was because the stores were not allowed to sell valuables of questionable ownership or origin. Once a week, at market, this was relaxed, so that the merchants would not start a civil war – they had a huge profit on these goods. Also the most valuable of all goods were sold here, as they typically arranged for them to be delivered on market day. Goods of this value could not be kept around, and even if they sold it with a hefty discount it was still more than worth all the hassle. The menacing guards standing by every booth were making sure that there were no unexpected losses.

The third section was for many people the most exotic one. Of all the cities in Ayamar, Achinan was the one where the most cultures came together. As there normally would be in all cities there were merchants from the neighbouring countries and areas. But while Achinan officially was sceptical of foreign things, it was a haven for all things exotic and strange. Traders came here from all parts of the world, even from the other continents, and with all kinds of goods. Southerners, elves from all the tribes, northerners, even folks from the North Continent – from everywhere they came to trade; and the third section was truly a marvellous place for those not used to it.

As a native Achinanian, Seyan had seen the ever-changing market countless times before. Normally he would take a look not only at the goods but also at the female merchants and serving girls, as he was a ladies’ man, but today he was heading for the fourth section with undivided attention.

The fourth section was the one with the least customers. It was the only area to be surrounded by a large fence, and it was impossible to stroll leisurely into it by chance. It was in some ways a shame, as there were truly amazing things to be found here. Still it could be a frightening and intimidating place for one not prepared for it. It was the section where magic goods and services were bought and sold, where adventurers were hired and where deals that should not see the light of day were agreed to. Shady business, in many people’s minds, so one might wonder why the authorities never shut down the place. It was no secret that the shady business more than once in a while was on the wrong side of the law. But if this place was shut down that kind of business would be forced into the streets where it could be a danger to innocent people. Besides, the old saying said never to provoke the magicians, and it was no secret that a lot of the city treasury came from the magic trade.

Seyan knew what to expect, as it was not his first time here; but still, as a man who had no magical powers, he entered the place with caution. It was perhaps the one place where he would be unable to defend himself against any threats, and for a man like him that was a scary thought.

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Long time, no see

Sunday, June 7th, 2009

I’ve gotten over my existential crisis and have gone through a couple more in addition to that… Nearly, anyways. Since it’s soon a month since last time I wrote, I figured I should write a new entry although nobody hardly ever reads this anyway. But I need an outlet anyway.

I’ve finally figured out what I want, thanks to one online friend and one colleague, both of whom have this strange ability to say the right things at the right time and ask the right questions. I discovered that I don’t really want to work at a hotel for the rest of my life, it’s just a nice second choice when you’re afraid of going for the first choice. I am a phobic person, what can I say? I’ve decided not to let my fears rule my life, I’ve already gotten rid of a great deal of my fears and learnt to handle most of the rest, life is considerably better when you start being true to yourself.

Basically my decision has two parts. 1., I’m going to follow my dream and really work for becoming an author. 2., I’m going to go for getting a PhD and making a career in linguistics. If I don’t succeed, well, then I don’t succeed and I will have some hotel experience to fall back upon. But I have thought a great deal lately and I really think that I have what I need to work with linguistics. And in any case, language is my passion. I’ve seen it more and more, especially with all the plans and hopes and dreams I have, and just the fact that whenever I daydream about the future I am working as a linguist, so I cannot just abandon that. If I am willing to use my spare time writing an article about some narrow linguistic phenomenon and get all giddy about case exceptions in old norse sentences, well, there shouldn’t be much doubt.

Painting-wise I haven’t really done much lately. I’ve been really busy and my depression has become worse… The good period just after I started the treatment has worn off and I haven’t really changed my habits enough. Currently I’m walking an hour per day (or trying to) but I still push myself too hard. So, not much painting, but I think that I might do a small picture, at least, soon. At least as soon as I have started to become bored with the Sims 3. (Yeah, I’m kinda hooked).

Other than that, I’m tired and frustrated nowadays… I don’t remember my dance steps well enough, I’ve missed so many rehearsals since I’m working later now in the high season. And I am really tired of work. It was so extremely hard to get up this morning, I hardly got time for anything. It’s such a chore nowadays, I really don’t want to go to work. Logically I know that this is just a slump, my depression is worse today than in months, but… I think there’s something in it. I really DON’T like this job as much as I thought I did, I think all the bad things are finally getting to me. And I get more and more responsibility, but I’m really not ready for it. I CAN’T get done all the things that should get done. Sometimes it feels too much. And right now I just can’t cope with everything work-related that comes at me outside work, it’s like I can’t ever put it completely away… I need to do something with my life… But I need to have a job so that I have enough money for my new apartment etc. I need to get the translation thing going so that I can earn some extra cash and hopefully cut back on working at the hotel. I had originally told my boss that I thought it would go just fine with just two people and the security guy working, but I’m not so sure. I think it will be too much. Maybe I should send her an e-mail and say that I don’t think it’ll work anyway…

Sorry, lots of whining this time. Finished now. ;) (This was supposed to be a cheerful entry, seems like I’ve gone and hid some things from myself again.)

Posted in My everyday life, Work, Writing | 1 Comment »

All Good Things

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

This is partly the follow-up to the previous entry, partly not. Despite having a depression things are actually quite nice and bright at the time. “At the time” meaning the last couple of days.

1. Was at a linguistic workshop at my university today. Lots of things went over my head, and I forgot to drink so I ended up with a massive headache and had to go home early, but it was interesting. It is nice to be part of a larger, international research community, although they of course don’t research the same that I do. And there’s a great many “characters” there. Inspired by the phdcomics (www.phdcomics.com, I think, or is it .net?), I’ve made a conclusion regarding male professors and their “fashion sense” (or lack of it). There are, in my view, three types of male professors.

A. Suit-wearers. Might only wear the jacket, and might wear jeans to it, but feels a level of formality is necessary, and at events will wear an entire suit. Pretty much the only professors seen wearing ties.

B. Shirt and sweater-types. Wears a formal shirt, but no tie. Variations: Only shirt, shirt and a very unformal sweater on top, or shirt and a vest (of the non-formal type). Relaxed type of dress.

C. Hawaiian shirt wearers. Might not be a “real” hawaiian shirt, but some variation thereof. Very informal way of dressing, often extremely enthusiastic. Those I have known are mainly firm believers in that their field of study is more important than ANYTHING and they’re so enthusiastic they just have to share it with the world and isn’t case structure in Amazonian languages AMAZING? Often end up as professors that their students really love, not because their way of dress but because their enthusiasm is extremely contageous. There was one of them at the workshop today, a guy from Oregon, and frankly, I couldn’t understand a thing he talked about but I loved it nonetheless.

Okay, moving on.

2. I’ve actually been eating much healthy food and little unhealthy food the last days and I can really feel the difference. It’s great to have some extra energy for a change.

3. I got the apartment. Do I need to say more?

4. I’ve been reading Neil Gaiman’s blog today. There is something inspiring about it, because now my fingers are really itching to write. Not a sense of obligation to write the novel I’ve been planning for years, but a very real itch to just write. Apart from a short burst some weeks ago I haven’t felt that for ages.

5. For someone who love listening to languages I don’t understand, Eurovision Song Contest is a treasure. Less so now than it was back when you couldn’t sing in English if it wasn’t an official language of your country, but still. Languages are beautiful :D

6. I managed to fill up my partition dedicated to my photography. 160 GB. I really need to sort through it, I probably don’t need 9/10th of the RAW-files, and they’re the ones taking up space. The nice thing about it is that buried deep down in those thousands of photos there MUST be something good.

7. I actually don’t remember what the seventh point was. But I can use it to say that life is good and I am really happy for this period of… happiness. The small things in life are really not so small after all.

Have a nice day!

Posted in Language, My everyday life, Photography, Writing | No Comments »