Archive for September, 2009

Priorities

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

I am now half a year delayed with my thesis. Before that, I had a whole year to write (okay, half of that was used for finding a thesis topic). I spent most of that year being clinically depressed, so I guess I don’t have to look further than that for an explanation. Apart from that I spent it procrastinating, doing things just to pass the time. Even most of my PC games were purchased and played just to make the hours pass.

It’s almost depressing looking back at it (oh the irony).

I am, knock on wood and provided my mind stays stable, almost well. I haven’t felt depressed in weeks, and when I visited my parents this weekend I forgot to take my meds for two days and I was still cheerful and, well, myself. My mother even commented that things seemed to go really well for me now, and during my chats with her I became really motivated. The only thing that isn’t good right now is that I’m so extremely sleepy all the time. Since my meds are helping me sleep in addition to keeping my depression at bay that’s not so strange. My doctor says that when I am well and the meds aren’t needed, their only effect is to make me sleepy. Not sure what causes what, but no matter how you look at it, the fact is that I am really getting better (in fact, I am very, very close to being completely well).

I have been thinking a lot lately – being a procrastinator to the core, but completely sick of writing (or actually not writing) my thesis, I really had to do something. The thought of needing another extension for the deadline is worrisome for me. I’ve made a gameplan – a week plan to be precise – which specifies everything that needs to be done each day. I’ve given myself a timetable – specific times for writing schoolwork, complete with pauses – and a list to keep to each day so to ensure that everything gets done.

It’s not going to be fun, but I’m really going to go for it now. I am going to hand in my thesis on the 20th of November no matter what. I am going to finish it, I am going to pass it, and I am going to finish being a student. For once in my life I look forward to the working life.

The next 2 months I am going to focus completely on school and Japanese (I’m also taking a Japanese course), nothing else. Maybe I’ll doodle a little bit in the evenings, maybe not. Don’t expect any entries here before December, however. This is it – for once in my life I’m going to go for it completely, get my priorities straight and finish it.

Wish me luck.

See you in December ;)

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Impatiently waiting

Wednesday, September 16th, 2009

I’m beside myself these days. I’ve wanted to learn Japanese for years now, and have been frustrated because it doesn’t seem like I’ll get the chance to study it (full-time, that is). Two months ago a good friend of mine reminded me that I could always take evening courses, so I signed up and started waiting.

I’ve really been good at waiting – for being me. Sure, all my friends are probably hoping that they’ll never have to hear the words “language course” or “Japanese course” again, but I could have been worse. Now it’s only 6 days left until I start, and I just don’t have any patience left. I feel like I’m just all over the place.

Yesterday I got my letter with the invoice for the course fee, and some practical information. I’ll go to the bookstore today to get the course books – the good thing is that I’ve been wanting to buy those exact books for years now. They’re a tad expensive, but seem good.

I think it’s a good thing that my schedule is full until the course starts – today is work, tomorrow is dance practice, Friday is 3 hours work and then a visit from Mai (my Japanese friend), Saturday, Sunday and Monday I’m home and Tuesday is the big day.

Anyway, back to work.

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Plans for the future

Monday, September 14th, 2009

The story post will have to be next time.

Yesterday I posted a rather long-winded entry, basically angsting about my future. You won’t find it if you look for it though, since it’s deleted. Yes, it was that angsty. Basically it stemmed from reading Jingna’s (zemotion.blogspot.com I think) blog all evening – for those who don’t know, she’s only 20 and already a professional and prestigous photographer (having won several awards as the youngest ever). I just couldn’t help being envious and frustrated with myself for a while. Luckily it passed.

Anyway. In the post I also worried a lot about my future and the fact that I had no clue what to do with my life. After a good, but short night’s sleep (I just got up actually, but then I went to bed really late) I’m not angsting anymore. I’ve realised that I do have several clues. I DO want to write, for instance, and that is my main motivation. I realised that when I saw a writing competition from Writer’s Digest. 3000 USD first prize! I just gotta try. I don’t think I’m currently good enough to win – short stories haven’t really been my forte anyway and a lot of good writers will be competing – but you never win if you never try. I have until December 1st and can submit several manuscripts, so… We’ll see!

Even if I don’ place anywhere near 1st and don’t get any of the prizes, that competition has already helped me tremendously. It helped me realize what I actually want with my life. Sure, it’d be splendid being an illustrator or a photographer or… But I can do that on a little-bit-more-than-hobby basis. It’s writer I want to be. I want to write, I want to be published, I want to see my novels in print. Even though I have a long and hard way in front of me, now I know what I want. When you know what you want, you can go for it. 100%! When I have my degree I’ll be writing, writing, writing.

It’s so immensely good just knowing what I want. I wouldn’t have reacted this way if it was a painting competition or something – I’d have wanted to try, but not THIS much.

Oh, and did I say it had a 3000USD first prize? And that the winner will be published in the Writer’s Digest magazine?

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Picture post September + some news

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Time for some sketch uploads again! It’s ages since I had any sketches to upload, but here they are!

Sketch 1:

September Sketch

September Sketch

Sketch 2:

This isn’t a finished picture, it’s more a WIP. Not sure if it will end up as a sketch or a more polished portrait, who knows.

Romance WIP

Romance WIP

That’s all for today! I have a feeling that the next post will be a story post ;)

Edit:

Just forgot a little update. As you can see my months long artists’ break has finally eased up some, and I’m able to paint again. I’m not sure how much I’ll actually paint these days, school has to come first after all, but I think I’ll paint a little, at least. I’ve been ill the last three or four days, so I’ve had to take things easy. I think I really needed it, although I missed some fun things because of it.

Discovery of the week: If you’re constantly craving snacks (chips or similar), make sure you have popcorn (the kind that you have to microwave first) in the house. I thought I was just giving in to my cravings, but it worked like this: When at the store, you can’t buy chips or anything like that, because hey, you’ve got popcorn at home. BUT being that I’m lazy, it’s too much work to prepare popcorn, so I’ve eaten cereal instead whenever I’ve craved something salty and fat (cereal isn’t salty and fat but at least it’s crunchy). So for once I’m actually somewhat healthy… if you don’t count the giant chocolate bar I ate yesterday.

Anyway. It’s SUN! In Bergen, no less! I’m going out for a walk.

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