Why, oh why can’t it be November soon! My fingers are really itching to write and I keep on going to nanowrimo’s website to lurk in the forum and become even more impatient. I want my progress bar to move!
That was all. But I suspect this won’t be the last post of its kind.
No, not “work” work. Book work. I am currently going through ALL my stories (yes, everything on my hard drive) to figure out what I’ve written about the world and how things are and why. Because it’s sort of nice to know when writing a novel from that world. Especially since it’s soon NaNoWriMo. (Yeah, yeah, I wasn’t supposed to do that this year, but sue me, here we go again.)
Luckily I’ve changed computers and thus cleaned out my hard drives some times now, so the really bad stories are dead and gone. Long gone, I hope. It could have been worse. Besides, I haven’t really managed to do anything regarding writing the last couple of years (or 3-5, to be brutally honest) so it’s not THAT much to go through. And also it’s very easy to distinguish which stories are from that world and which stories are from somewhere else. Still, as I’m writing it by hand it takes a while. But I think I’ll have a better constructed universe in the end.
I don’t really think it’s strange that my head’s been killing me today, though. Apart from lack of sleep.
I made the mistake of looking at writers’ stuff at cafepress.co.uk and nanowrimo.org – what a mistake it was! I really, really want so much of what’s for sale there! I really want a “writer’s T-shirt” – so many funny ones there. But I can’t afford it… Aaah, I want money!
Oh, by the way – if there’s actually anyone reading this, apart from those who just post spam, could you please comment, just once? I don’t mean to beg for comments, but it would be nice just to know someone’s out there. You don’t have to register to comment. You’d make me really happy if you do!
Oh dear. Here we go again.
Today I signed up for National Novel Writing Month for 2009. I, who am supposed to be writing my thesis, in addition to work and dance practice. True, I’ve written quite a bit lately and really want to write whenever I’m not in front of my computer, but still. I had resolved NOT to participate due to lack of time and opportunity – after all I really need to focus on my thesis – and there it goes out the window.
I have participated twice before, though I never won. I think I gave up only one week into November. Though at that time I was suffering from depression and gave up on everything. That’s how it felt, anyway. This year I just couldn’t keep away, despite my better judgement. To my advantage is the fact that I am super-motivated. I can probably write for at least an hour each day, and then all day on weekends. I probably won’t win (write at least 50 000 words before November is through) but I might actually come close this year. I am resolved to get at least 20 000 words this year before I even think of giving up. Although I of course don’t plan to give up at all. We’ll see!
Anyone else doing NaNoWriMo this year?
This was looking out to be the most confusing entry I’ve ever posted (and somehow I post a lot of confusing entries), so here comes the rewrite.
I am thoroughly happy today. Happy, even if I’m missing the rehearsal weekend with my dance troup and Dairé Nolan from Ireland (he’s in Norway to teach us a new choreography for our upcoming show) because I am ill. Happy, even if I’ve now been ill for a week and even eating healthy doesn’t seem to do the trick.
I wrote “the best feeling ever” in the title, but it is in fact two. Yesterday I was randomly sorting through the data for one of the Old Norse verbs I am looking at in my thesis (the verb in question was hafa) and I actually made a find. I have a list of verbs I think might be anticausative, but in order to prove that the anticausative construction was a working grammatical function in Old Norse I have to have an impersonal, intransitive construction with the subject in the accusative case, AND a regular, transitive construction with the subject in the nominative case and an accusative object. Being that I have forgotten a lot of Old Norse it’s proven to be rather more difficult than I thought; however, yesterday I found example sentences for both constructions when I hardly even looked for them. Having actually made progress is a great feeling.
Today and yesterday I’ve been reading countless blogs about writing. I haven’t really wanted to write for ages now, possibly because of both my thesis and my depression and so on. It’s quite a contrast to back when I still lived at home, when I would write whenever I could possibly find the time. It has actually nagged me quite a bit. But now I just realized that I really want to write. Thesis, book, any short story, whatever. It’s such a great feeling I actually had to jump around a bit, despite the fact that my head feels like it weighs a ton. Writing passion, I’ve missed you.
Since it’s weekend and I’ve made a rule for myself not to work on my thesis during weekends (my doctor says, very sternly, to give myself time off during weekends to recharge my batteries) and contrary not to work on my book or any of those side projects during the week, I can actually sit down and write with a clean conscience. Writer’s Digest has a short story competition going, I thought I might work on a few stories for that one. I have to work on my originality, though, but still.
So, despite illness and my thesis looming over my head, life is pretty good today. Now I’m going to the store to buy chocolate and thoroughly unhealthy things (and some necessities such as dinner) and then I’m going to write. It’s a good day.
Fuck this. Fuck my insecurity, my nagging doubts, my dark view of the future, the innumerable faults I see in myself and my work.
I CAN do this.
I can, I will, I shall.
Not because there is no other option (because there always is) but because this is the option I choose. No more stopping myself!