The story post will have to be next time.
Yesterday I posted a rather long-winded entry, basically angsting about my future. You won’t find it if you look for it though, since it’s deleted. Yes, it was that angsty. Basically it stemmed from reading Jingna’s (zemotion.blogspot.com I think) blog all evening – for those who don’t know, she’s only 20 and already a professional and prestigous photographer (having won several awards as the youngest ever). I just couldn’t help being envious and frustrated with myself for a while. Luckily it passed.
Anyway. In the post I also worried a lot about my future and the fact that I had no clue what to do with my life. After a good, but short night’s sleep (I just got up actually, but then I went to bed really late) I’m not angsting anymore. I’ve realised that I do have several clues. I DO want to write, for instance, and that is my main motivation. I realised that when I saw a writing competition from Writer’s Digest. 3000 USD first prize! I just gotta try. I don’t think I’m currently good enough to win – short stories haven’t really been my forte anyway and a lot of good writers will be competing – but you never win if you never try. I have until December 1st and can submit several manuscripts, so… We’ll see!
Even if I don’ place anywhere near 1st and don’t get any of the prizes, that competition has already helped me tremendously. It helped me realize what I actually want with my life. Sure, it’d be splendid being an illustrator or a photographer or… But I can do that on a little-bit-more-than-hobby basis. It’s writer I want to be. I want to write, I want to be published, I want to see my novels in print. Even though I have a long and hard way in front of me, now I know what I want. When you know what you want, you can go for it. 100%! When I have my degree I’ll be writing, writing, writing.
It’s so immensely good just knowing what I want. I wouldn’t have reacted this way if it was a painting competition or something – I’d have wanted to try, but not THIS much.
Oh, and did I say it had a 3000USD first prize? And that the winner will be published in the Writer’s Digest magazine?