I really wish…

August 18th, 2009

I really wish…

…that I would get less spam and more genuine comments on this blog, and that I would be able to tell the difference between some of the most sophisticated spam comments and genuine ones.

…that my thesis was finished

…that I could let things go

…that I dared to do things I want to do, dared to take a chance

…that I could be at peace with myself

…that I had more time for friends, and that my friends had more time

…that my friends lived closer

…that I didn’t suck at keeping in touch with my friends

…that I could stop stopping myself (directly, indirectly, mentally, subconsciously) from achieving my goals and doing what I want.

…that I had a fantastic plot idea for my book

…that my book was finished so I know that I could

…that I could believe in myself. Really believe in myself. And trust in myself. Some sort of self-confidence at least – on the inside, not just on the outside. If it’s even there.

…that I was able to really go for the things I want.

…I could sleep right now

…that I didn’t have to worry about money anymore, and that I had more sense, economy-wise

…that I didn’t keep deceiving myself over and over again

…that I was able to do what I know I need to do to and not just for a couple of days before I stop. I’m not talking school or work or things like that, but small things that I should do every day to keep myself well and my depression at bay… talking a walk each day, eating breakfast (although I’m better at this one now), doing things to de-stress, doing work when it shows up and not letting it pile up, getting enough sleep…

…that I had a piano

…that my guitar skills weren’t so rusty (but I’m refreshing them! It’s fun playing the guitar again)

…that I had a low D tin whistle

…that I wasn’t so materialistic

…that the first Sims 3 expansion pack was here NOW

…that I was finished with my thesis – oh wait. Already said. Ooops, said it again.

…that I was finished with my thesis – it can’t be said too many times

…that I know what to do with my life

…that I was better at drawing, had a wider range of subjects I could draw and that I could push myself to learn new things

…that I could live at least partially off my photography, or drawing

…that I had an artwork (photo or drawing/painting) published in a magazine or book, or got one or more short stories published

…that I could knock my inner editor out cold so I could actually be able to write again.

…that I didn’t have so extremely high expectations for myself, and that I didn’t give in before I’ve even tried fulfilling them – it’s a recipe for failure the way it’s now.

…that I had a dog

…that I had a rabbit

…that I didn’t constantly long for things I don’t have

…that I didn’t regret so much

New apartment

July 24th, 2009

I got to see my new apartment yesterday. Yesterday had already been quite a good day, what with me discovering an absolutely wonderful song (Happiness by Super Junior – you just can’t help being happy when you listen to it), but seeing the apartment made it ten times better. I can hardly wait for moving day now…

My landlords are really wonderful, by the way. According to my mother they’re practically family (though mostly my mother’s generation – us young ones haven’t really met much). So helpful, so positive, so enthusiastic, and so genuinely nice people. They seemed really happy that I liked the apartment.

The apartment itself has an entrance/hall, which I have missed where I live now. It’s more roomy than in the pictures I saw of the apartment and actually has closets there to hang coats. That means it will look nice and tidy even if I have all my coats and jackets hanging there.

The main room is a combined living room and bedroom, constructed so that the bedroom part seems kind of like a separate room nonetheless. There’s also plenty of closet space and two large sets of shelves. Maybe I’ll actually have room for all my books, combined with the bookshelves that I bring with me, finally. There’s also a sofa which can be made into a bed if needed, and two small coffee tables, and a desk (which means I can’t bring the huge desk I already have, but contrary to what my mother insists, there would have been room for it otherwise. Maybe it’s a good thing there’s already a desk, as my mother and I won’t be able to argue about it anymore :P I’ll probably ask for the computer table we have at home, though).

The bathroom is more spacious than the one I have now – a washing machine, and a shower with… I’m not sure what it’s called in English, but instead of shower curtains there’s “walls” around it. Very nice. Plenty of shelf space for all my toiletries and make up. :D I can actually be in there without knocking into something. That’s difficult where I live now.

The kitchen is really cozy. It has old-fashioned wallpaper, and all the cupboards are old too, but then again there are plenty of cupboards. There’s a tiny dining table which can be turned into a larger table, and a balcony that looked small but is actually quite roomy. And the view! I have a proper view again. At one place it’s obstructed by a tall building, but other than that… FAR better than just seeing a fence and another house from your window. And the kitchen has a “kitchen machine” (don’t know the English name. Used for making dough for bread and cakes etc.) that is old as dirt, but apparently still works. Not to mention, easy to keep clean, contrary to the one where I live now. The most important thing: Huge refridgerator. Three shelves in the freezer part, and the fridge part is STILL far bigger than my current fridge.

The apartment is in a block building, and it’s kind of an old fashioned building. There’s a laundry room (even though I have my own washing machine there) and a hobby room, garden room (as if there’s a garden – but I’m thinking of having flowers or grow vegetables on my balcony) and store rooms. Few of these rooms are in use, but they’re there… We also met one of the ladies in charge there. She’s probably lived there since it was built, at least she looked like it, and was in the board for the block. Apparently she wasn’t sure I could be trusted with the washing machines, although it’s not like there’s no instruction poster for them, and seemed to think that the idea of showing me the washing machines just in case when I have one in my apartment was completely strange.

Apparently one of my neighbours is a very curious person. I guess I’ll have to expect plenty of questions the first weeks, both from her and others. And I’ll have to get used to the fact that it’s right by the road, so it’s more noisy. But when I was there the balcony door and the windows were open, and there wasn’t really that much noise. I’ve lived by a much noisier road before, so I can handle that. Especially since this location means that it’s 30-50 metres from a supermarket, in which what remains of the post office is currently located, and 5-10 metres from the bus stop to town.

The first 2,5 hours at work has NEVER been so long. I just can’t wait – I got up at six this morning to pack, although it’s six more days until the move (possibly only 5), and now I kind of have to stop myself so I don’t pack the things I need in the meantime. I almost have enough boxes for everything, even. :D

Oh well, back to work, counting the hours.

Languages

July 23rd, 2009

I’ve had great fun lately listening to pop (!) music from Taiwan and Korea (in addition to the usual Japanese music). Those languages over there are fascinating! I’ve also spent some time downloading BYKI lists. For those who don’t know, BYKI, or Before You Know It, is a programme for learning foreign vocabulary. It’s meant to be a part of the larger language suite from Transparent Language (I’m not sure I remember the name of the suite). I haven’t been able to afford the full suite yet, but BYKI is very good on its own too. BYKI comes in two versions, the free (BYKI Express) and the paid (BYKI deluxe) version. It’s a world of difference between the first and the second, but I think you can still download user-made “lists” for BYKI Express, so you can get somewhere with the first one too. I have BYKI deluxe for Japanese and the free version for some other languages.

Anyway, downloading different free BYKI versions and listening to music in foreign languages is not really a good combination for me… Or maybe it’s too good. Anyway, I was inspired to make the definitive top list of languages I want to learn (not an ordered list, apart from that the ones I really, really want to learn NOW is bolded).

1. Chinese

2. Japanese

3. Korean

4. Russian

5. German (I did know it before, but I have to refresh it)

6. Italian

7. Icelandic

8. Irish or Welsh

9. Finnish or Sami

10. Maori (I started learning some in school but never got far)

My new, informal research project:

How many languages is it at all possible to learn at once?

Currently I’m doing two, and refreshing German… Want to start Chinese and continue with Italian as well. This could be interesting!

New plans for the future?

July 21st, 2009

It seems I change my plans for the future more often than many people change socks.

I had first decided that I wanted to try to get into my university’s PhD programme once I had finished my Master’s degree. Then I decided that it would probably be wise to work a year or so – then that I should try to get accepted into a bachelor’s degree in Japanese (being that I have the modules needed for 3 of 6 semesters and thus only lack the Japanese bit it wouldn’t take too long).

Some days ago one of my colleagues showed me the website CouchSurfing.org, which is basically about people offering you a place to stay. That way it’s actually possible to travel quite a bit without so much economic loss.

So now I’m thinking about working as much as I can for one year, and then travel for half a year or a year. I’d have to save up a great deal of money. AND if I get my translation thing up and running I’d be able to earn some money while travelling, same if I manage to earn something doing stock photography. (I have also decided to go for using my interest as a possible extra income)

I’d like to go to Italy, first and foremost, but also Iceland, Portugal, France, Scotland, Wales and Ireland (I’ve already been to England several times, but yeah… also England). Actually I’d like to go on a “castle tour”, visiting all the noteworthy castles of Europe. Or seeing all the old cities – I guess I could spend half a year only in Italy.

I wonder which of my plans will actually turn into reality…

dA Portfolio

July 18th, 2009

I have been trying to design a good website for displaying my art for years now, and suddenly deviantART released its portfolio system. I now have one for my digital and pencil art, take a look! Go to my portfolio here.

(There will be a photography gallery in the portfolio as well, but I’ve hardly started sorting my photos yet.)

Books, books, books, and art

July 17th, 2009

Well, today after a conversation (and a very nice meal at a tapas restaurant in town) with Åsne, I reluctantly realised that I need to decide how much money I’ll allow myself to spend in London in August. Being that I bought 13 books in London in March, and 10 this summer, I can’t really buy too many… But then again, buying books is one of the main attractions of London (all the bookstores I’ve seen in Norway pale in comparison to Waterstone’s or Borders both in size and prizing).

This time I’ve also got a few DVDs I want to buy as well. Not that I remember what they are at the moment, but still. And there are some books that I really want but which they might not have, in which case I will have to budget enough money to buy them later on. I’ll have to sort my books and figure out which books in which series I lack. I should start buying all the books in a series if I’m going to buy one, so I won’t have to deal with this endless hunt.

Åsne suggested around 1000 NOK for books, but I’m not sure… If I’ve got a lot of books left that I haven’t read yet, but which I own, I should probably limit myself to less… In any case I think 1000 NOK should be enough. I’m thinking perhaps 1500 NOK for books and DVDs put together. If I don’t find many DVDs I can spend more on books and vice versa. In any case the suitcase will be significantly heavier on the way back.

That reminds me that I need to buy a new suitcase… My old one is falling to pieces, and the zipper in one of the outer pockets are completely ruined already.

As for the other part of the title, art, deviantART just released its portfolio system. Even though I plan on designing and maintaining my own website, we all know how much time I have to do that… In any case I will have to decide which pieces I have that are good enough to upload. I want to make sure that I only have my best pieces in there. Not that I think that I’ll be the next big thing any time soon, but you never know who might see it. I don’t want to ruin any chance that I might have.

So I’ll have to sort through everything. Being that I have around 10 000 photos, that’s quite a project. I have problems deciding which are good and which are not… I have to be hard with myself. I can see that those photos which I thought were really good before and which I couldn’t really understand why not more people liked, aren’t all that good.

In other words a lot to do… Again.

Good things right now

July 17th, 2009

I find it very rewarding to go through all the good things in my life once in a while, in order to remember that my life is very good and as a “fuck you” to my depression. Today things are very good, in spite of some not-so-good things, but let’s not dwell on those.

- The card reader at work finally started working again. It only took half an hour on the phone ;) Good thing the CSRs at the company which supplies our card reader are both knowledgeable and nice. Usually, in such places and despite their PR, they are only the first. Sometimes neither. But this was a good experience.

- Tapas tonight

- I’m soon going to see both the latest Harry Potter movie and Ice Age 3, and will probably also find the time to see Public Enemies. It’s so good that there finally is coming movies I want to see again.

- It is now less than two weeks until I’m moving, and I’m getting to see the apartment next Thursday. My new landlord sounds very nice on the phone, and my mum, who’s met him (his aunt is a colleague of hers, and his mother was my mother’s maid of honour in my parents’ wedding) says he IS very nice too.

- Stine, my old flatmate (though it’s only two weeks since she moved out), and her dog have been visiting me the last days.

- I have possibly found a way to take Japanese next year after all. Discovered that even if I need to take another bachelor’s degree in language I have all the other units so all in all, I only need 1,5 more years. That is, if I’m allowed to take it. But still there’s hope.

- London in less than a month

- Several days off in the last part of the month.

- Last but not least, I just had the best holiday ever.

Summer reading

July 15th, 2009

SUMMER READING PART 1

As some of you know I love books. There is a reason I generally do not go into bookstores, and that reason is my finances. If I could I would love to go to a bookstore every single day. My will power is not that great, so I have to steer away. I have eventually realised that even while staying away from bookstores I still buy more books in a year than many people do in their entire lives.  That in itself, that some people buy so few books in their lives, is a scary thought to me.

Even though I cancel nearly every monthly book, I am a member of two book clubs. I won’t hide that it was because of the five free books you got when joining, and the gift cards they send out if you extend your membership. I have always viewed these clubs as clubs for those who like to read a lot, presuming that the members did not blindly let a book dump into their mailboxes every month and read only that book.

If that is the case, they might want to rethink their marketing. I got an e-mail from one of the clubs titled: “Have you found your summer book yet?”

Let’s think about this one. The summer is generally seen to consist of three months, June, July and August, although I presume they mean only July as it’s the holiday month around here. Still, looking at the three-month perspective as the summer is in no way just July, it’s one book for three months. Isn’t that awfully little reading for a time when most people have several weeks off?

Very rarely, and only if I based myself on a lot of rereading of old books, have I bought less than three new books in the summer. Mostly it’s around five, but I read far more than that. This year I bought 10 books, as well as having around 8 or 9 left from my massive book shopping in London in March and will buy (probably) well over 15 on my next trip to London in August.

I just cannot fathom that it’s possible to read only one book in the summer.

I can understand wanting to read more but having a hectic holiday. I can, however, not understand not even trying to read more than one.

I am probably reading way too much into this, I know, blowing it out or proportions. It really is just a small annoyance that I need to get out of my system. It’s just that book clubs are meant to be for book lovers, but it seems to me that they are alienating those who should be the core of the club. In fact I feel more alienated for every ad they send out, because it assumes that you should not read large quantities of books. It’s like those book snobs that think that if you don’t read cutting-edge, extremely artistic books you might as well not read at all. Yes, I want quality books, but I also want quantity.

SUMMER READING PART 2:

What are the books you have read this summer or are planning to read? How many? Do you have a book challenge for yourself (like reading Ulysses) or a series you want to finish? What have you read so far?

My own plans are finishing all the books I bought during my last trip to London, and preferrably also the books I bought this holiday.

Currently I am reading the Night Watch Trilogy by Sergej Lukyanenko. I loved the first book, and I’m now about 150 pages into the last one, Twilight Watch. Not so sure I like the last two as much as the first one. Also I have to say that I absolutely cannot understand those who (on the back of the book of course, if you want to put trust in those quotes at all) compare him to J.K.Rowling. The ONLY things similar are that both are about magic, and both are taking place in the current times and with the magicians being sort of organized and hiding themselves from the non-magicians. That’s IT. Enough to warrant a comparison? No way. The mood, pace and feel of the books are vastly different.

I am also planning to read “Katherine” buy Elizabeth Seton (I think that was her first name) and the rest of the books by Jacqueline Carey, that is, if I can get hold of the last two I lack. Also I bought the Artemis Fowl series and the Septimus Heap series (yay for young adult fantasy when it comes to summer reading) which I plan to start pretty soon. There’s also Polgara the Sorceress and Belgarath the Sorcerer by David Eddings, I bought them in London but haven’t read them yet.

Which reminds me, I really have to put all my books into the book database program I have so that I know which series I haven’t finished and in which series I lack some books. THAT is annoying, having for example the first, third and fourth in a series but being unable to find the second so you can read the last two. Bonus points if it’s really a boring series that you just want to finish up.

My holiday in short

July 12th, 2009

…If, of course, I am able to write anything in short.

So, this is how my holiday went:

- Lions, lions and lions. 3 visits to Kristiansand Zoo. Next year I’ll buy a year card, it’ll be cheaper and with free parking.

- Temptations. Saw several guys with Canon EOS 1D in the zoo. I want! But I’m slowly seeing a development in the photos I shoot, so I’ll probably manage without a new camera. Anyway I made a deal with myself that I won’t buy a new camera until I can afford the 1D, since that’s the one I really want. Anything else is just a step on the way towards it. Also I won’t buy it before I have at LEAST 75% of the total sum for the entire purchase in my bank account, that is, don’t rely on credit card.

- Saw the Nintendo Wii and WiiFit way too many places. I really want it, but hopefully soon I’ll be able to afford it.

-I’ve swum in the sea. Not in the bay, at the SEA. I’m proud of myself (I’ve been phobic of swimming in the sea since I was little)

- Walking, walking, walking

- Got a new beginning for the book. Not just any of my book projects, but the BOOK. I’ve attempted this type of beginning before, so maybe that’s a sign (it wasn’t swapped because it was bad or didn’t work).

- Over 3000 photos. Need I say more?

- Shopping, shopping, shopping. Bought a yoga set (elastics, yoga mat and gym ball), clothes, a purse, sandals, two caps, a tiger T-shirt and BOOKS. 10 books! (The entire Artemis Fowl series, and Septimus Heap series (not sure if that’s the name of the series), as well as the Encyclopedia of Fantasy and a book on language (travels between languages, to translate it loosely).)

- Friends. I met my old friends K and T(they’re siblings. I’ve known T since he was 6 and K literally her whole life), and my brother and his girlfriend, as well has her younger sister, came to visit as well.

- Stunning landscapes. As I wrote I was driving down to the south, and then I drove back up yesterday and the day before. Spent the night in a tiny, roadside cabin with a hard bed, in Haukeli, and slept better than I do at home. I even forgot my meds and managed to sleep anyway ;) There were some stunning views on the way, and I wish I had been able to capture more of them on… not film, what do you say when it’s digital?

- Haircut. Cut my hair short and I love it. Now it’s both blonde AND short.

I think there were a few more things I wanted to write, but I’ve forgotten them. More serious blog entries on their way, I’ve got a few plans. Bye for now!

Since last time

June 27th, 2009

I’ve spoken to my boss, finally. Some days ago I was so fed up with work that I had actually written my 1-month notice (as required by the contract) and asked for a meeting with my boss to tell her I quit. I had such a bad feeling about work and felt so tired that I couldn’t see how I’d manage working more.

One thing led to the other, and during the meeting it was agreed that I should work the rest of the summer, and if I needed it take a leave during autumn to finish my thesis. If I then got accepted to the PhD course, I could quit, if not, I could work full time for a while and thus get more of the work I like. I also felt far better about the work I perform than before our talk, apparently I’ve been going around beating myself up (mentally, of course) over something that doesn’t exist – failures that aren’t failures, and things that she hadn’t even noticed. While I thought I did a horrible job, she thought I did a good job. Needless to say, going to work the day after was pretty easy.

I kind of know what it is that has made me think that way and made work so tiresome, but it’s too personal to write here. In any case I’m working on it.

On a lighter note, summer is here, I’m badly sunburnt (again) and it’s waay to warm. I’m going for my summer vacation in three days, can’t wait, and in between that a good friend will visit my flatmate and me, which I really look forward to. Also, I’m writing and writing and writing.

Well! Back to work!